Santa Con

Santa Con

Last year, I attended Santa Con in New York City. It was a last minute decision and all I had for a costume was a La Chouffe elf’s hat. To make matters worse, the friend who I went with was dressed up as a Twenty-First Century Scrooge–jeans and a winter coat.

This Saturday, December 15, marks Santa Con 2012, which will take place again in New York City, as well as numerous other states and fourteen other countries. (Santa Con will also be held the weekend after in many more cities, including Long Island.) Here’s a list of the dos and don’ts of Santa Con.

 

Do Get Creative at Santa Con

Most people will arrive to Santa Con as Santa or an elf or a slutty Mrs. Claus. But the highlight of the event is costume creativity. In attendance last year were Saturday Night Live’s Dick-in-a-Box duo, an odd coterie of Christmas Teletubbies, and of course variations on the Santa costume. For instance, there was Rambo Santa, Boba Fett Santa, Chasidic Santa, and Occupy Wall Street Santa who eventually marched to the bars near Wall Street.

 

Don’t Expect the Christmas Spirit

After a few thousand costume-clad revelers gathered north of Battery Park, the drunken Santas–many hundreds–initiated a dodge ball game that gave a few unsuspecting Clauses and elves the option to transform into red-nosed reindeer.

 

Do Prepare to Drink

After the hour gathering, Santa Con becomes a bar crawl. We followed the crowd to Fraunces Tavern, an historic bar where George Washington enjoyed pints during the Revolutionary War. I took off my elf hat because it was just embarrassing to celebrate half-assed. Two girls came up to me and my friend. “What are you supposed to be? Alcoholics?” they asked. We were all drinking before noon, but my friend and I were the only people in the tavern not dressed up.

 

Don’t Stray too Far From Santa Con

You have strength in numbers. The party moved across the lower tip of Manhattan and became most fun at the South Street Seaport. Later in the evening, however, I grabbed dinner with a friend on the Lower East Side about a mile from the main Santa Con event. We passed numerous chalkboards in front of pubs and restaurants. They all read No Santas Allowed. Eventually there will be a Supreme Court case on this issue, but in the meantime, expect to be barred from bars if you stray too far from your merry cohort that is full of liquor and the holiday spirit.

 

Don’t Engage in Street Side Cunnilingus

Pretty straightforward advice. I saw it on our walk past the Statue of Liberty. In fact, the parties involved were injured. The female somehow flipped over the male, hurting both herself and her Santa in the fall. I can never look at an elf innocently again.

Have a Merry Santa Con.

Photo by Someone on Flickr

 

Posted on by Noah Lederman in New York, Or Bust

2 Responses to Santa Con

  1. Juliann

    This looks like so much fun! There’s a Santa Fun Run here, so similar. I promise not to do the “don’ts” on your list since you asked so nicely. If only the Statue of Liberty elves had read your blog…

    • Noah Lederman

      I just saw the Santa Con folks this year, as I was heading to a holiday party in White Plains. It looked like more of a circus this year and you could tell that everyone really took the bar crawl part of the event seriously.

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