Or Bust

Man Gets Facial

Posted on by Noah Lederman in Lost In Translation, Or Bust | 9 Comments

Sunny Isles Florida Sportfishing

My weekend in Sunny Isles, Florida was set to be a father-son-getaway. The tourist board invited me down and asked what activities I wanted to do. My father is quite content reading the newspaper, swimming laps in the pool, and eating a good dinner. But I figured, we should do something stereotypical of a male-bonding trip. So I selected the things most guys (not us) do on a getaway, which I think includes everything from golf to deep-sea fishing.

 

But when we arrived at the Turnberry Isle Miami, the weather didn’t cooperate and all of our manly adventures were cancelled. Besides one paddleboarding trip through Florida’s largest urban state park, which turned out to be one of my favorite summer experiences, my father and I did a lot of lounging at our hotel’s pool, walking the mall (in search of food), and getting shuttled around Sunny Isles Beach by a lifeguard. It was feeling more like a mother-daughter weekend.

 

I took another look at our itinerary and saw that our schedule was at least going to include a shave. Due to my slow-growing facial hair that forms into a near perfect goatee if left alone, I had never received a straight-edge shave at a parlor before. (It’s actually quite sad. As a high school teacher, some of my own students have five o’clock shadows by the time they have me for ninth period, while I’m shaving once every two weeks.)

 

When my father and I arrived at the mall, the lady at Bloomingdales, who had set up our shave, informed me that her barber had gone home.

 

“Don’t worry,” she said. “We booked you a facial instead.”

 

Our mother-daughter-weekend had hit its peak.

 

“But–” I tried to say.

 

“Look, if you want to do this, you have to do it now. My beautician needs to leave in one hour.”

 

“Beautician?”

 

“And I can only accommodate one of you. Who’s it going to be: you or your father?”

 

My father, who had already found a comfortable chair at the coffee shop outside of Bloomingdales and had nested with his newspaper, suggested that I go.

 

So I walked back into Bloomingdales like a sacrificed lamb walking to the altar.

 

“Come this way,” said the beautician. We passed a line of women sitting at the cosmetic counter, having blush and eyeliner applied to their cheeks and eyes, respectively.

 

“You’re not going to do my facial here, right?”

 

“Oh no,” said my beautician. She took me into a back room, near the bathrooms and sat me down in a chair. “Take off your shirt and put on this blanket.”

 

She exited the room and left me for about five minutes. I was used to having my masseuses in Southeast Asia ask me to strip down and put on hairnet underwear. So when this beautician came back in the room and told me that she was going to remove the blanket just a bit from my chest and that I shouldn’t be alarmed, I really felt like my self-esteem had hit a whole new low.

 

Pop my zits, squeeze my blackheads, chafe your fingers on my poorly-grown, two-week-old goatee that I was expecting to have shaved, I thought.

 

But then the facial began and, I have to admit, between the scents and pressures that she applied, it was quite… lovely. It was more like a face massage that trespassed to the neck and shoulders and chest.

 

“So,” my father said with mockery in his voice. “How was your facial?”

 

And though I enjoyed my treatment–yes, we call it a treatment–it wasn’t a question that I was comfortable answering.

 

Pre-Treatment

 

Man Gets Facial

 

When Man Gets Facial

 

Notice the glow. (I think this is post-treatment. I may have mixed the pictures up.)

 

Man Gets Facial

 

Editor’s Note: If you’re wondering how a man with an awful goatee can look somewhat appealing, it’s all about the shades. Tifosi Optics provided the lenses, which I’ve been using for the past few months for all my sporting needs, as they’re great for everything from running to volleyball. You can change out the lenses, depending on the light, and down in Florida I got to test them out during sportfishing and stand-up paddleboarding. They more than passed the test. I did, however, have to remove them for my facial. The picture below is what I looked like without my Tifosis on. (Mind you, it’s before the facial.)

 

Man Gets Facial

Best Fall Festivals in Brooklyn

Posted on by Noah Lederman in New York, Or Bust | 4 Comments

Best Fall Festival in Brooklyn Brooklyn Pour

Autumn in New York is the greatest time to visit the state. Upstate’s fall foliage is beatific, Long Island’s surf is epic, the city’s weather is perfect, and Brooklyn’s festival season is in full swing. This fall, I attended three events that are the best fall festivals in Brooklyn. Read more

Ommegang: A Belgian Beer Festival in Cooperstown

Posted on by Noah Lederman in New York, Or Bust | 2 Comments

Ommegang Belgian Beer Festival Comes to Cooperstown Seinfeld-themed and the Soup Nazis

There’s no more appropriate place to channel Jerry Stiller and shout “Festivus” than at a beer festival. (You can get away with a lot at events where the focus is on booze.) Even more appropriate would be shouting it at a Seinfeld-themed beer festival. This summer that micro-dream came true when Brewery Ommegang hosted their Belgium Comes to Cooperstown Belgian beer festival. In the spirit of Seinfeld, they dubbed it “A beer festival about nothing,” even though it was about the quality of good Belgian beer. Read more

Crossing the US Canada Border

Posted on by Noah Lederman in Lost In Translation, Or Bust | 8 Comments

Crossing the US Canada Border

It’s a strange phenomenon what happens to me whenever I cross the US/Canadian border. I’ve crossed many land borders before: 3 in Central America, 3 in South America, 3 in Asia, 1 in the Middle East, and numerous borders in Europe. Besides getting strip searched at the Peru/Chile border–I had food poisoning and darted off to use the toilet when the bus stopped, causing the agents to suspect that I was a smuggler, I guess–I’ve never had any major problems crossing borders. Read more

Corning Museum of Glass

Posted on by Noah Lederman in New York, Or Bust | 4 Comments

Corning Museum of Glass Making Flowers

On my visit to the Finger Lakes, the tourist board invited me to do all sorts of incredible things: taste wine at the vineyards surrounding Keuka Lake, stay at a charming bed and breakfast called the Black Sheep Inn, go for a morning sail on Seneca Lake, and take a scenic flight. (My wife and I chickened out from the flight.) But I was also invited to visit the Corning Museum of Glass. Read more